http://m.youtube.com/watch?desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DADDo5PT_ToI&v=ADDo5PT_ToI&gl=US
I keep trying to think of a way to preface this...to dumb it down, or apologize, or make it seem not so bad. But I got nothin. So fuck it, the message stands alone.
I'm jealous. I don't think I've ever experienced a more heartbreaking jealousy. I remember when my bff spent four years trying to conceive and having miscarriages and just being devastated by the sight of pregnant women. The world was unfair and she deserved better. This is like that for me.
I watched the above video and felt a repeat of this massive jealousy. It actually made me cry, it was so severe.
I am jealous of other gay people whose parents support them.
I had the same reaction when I've heard coming out stories from Chely Wright, Ellen, and others. I don't understand why these parents, once SO opposed to homosexuality, can look their children in the eye and LOVE them for who they are, and my parents won't. Of course that's not the only issue in our (lack of) relationship, and even if they did accept me I still wouldn't talk to them unless the abuse stopped. But for some reason, this gets to me like nothing else ever has.
My parents do not love me unconditionally. Not only that, but the conditions they put on our relationship aren't even their own. Their church says thou shalt hate, and they're on that shit like white on rice. Somebody else put conditions on our relationship. That's fucked up.
I think I'm too tired to articulate anymore, so I'll just stop here for now.
