A Practical Joke?

Originally posted December 16, 2009

I found this blog awhile back, and I love it. Another one of those moments when I should have known I was gay popped into my head today, and it made me feel sad for my ex husband, and for the "me" that I was at the time.

A few years back (6 years-ish), my parents played a practical joke on my then-husband. I won't go into what the joke was, but they got him GOOD. He insisted he was going to have to get them back. And whatever he did to get them back would have to be big. My parents' practical joke took MONTHS to pull off.

One evening, we were throwing ideas back and forth about how my husband could get my parents back. I came up with an idea that I thought was fabulous! I would call up my parents and tell them that I'm really gay, and that I'm only with my husband so that I can have kids.

He thought it was cruel, so I didn't do it. Maybe it was cruel (but no more cruel than them abusing me...I mean, really, should I be THAT concerned with their feelings? But I digress...this isn't about abuse).

So this incident popped into my head a few minutes ago because...and it kills me to say this...what I wanted to tell my parents was TRUE! I was just as gay then as I am now (I just didn't realize it), and eventually, we would have gotten a divorce, and I would have realized I was gay...whether we had children or not. But I REALLY wanted children with him. He would be an awesome dad. I actually entertained the idea of asking him to be a sperm donor even after we split up (but I'm not sure whether I even want children of my own now...and that's another blog post anyway).

I was joking around at the time...but hidden in that joke was the truth. I really was/am gay, and I really was (unconsciously) just using him to start a family.

Well...that plan backfired. Ha.